Summary
Statistical findings about attraction and partnership dynamics from before the 2020 COVID pandemic, before widespread use of online dating apps, and before the technology addiction crisis (social media, pornography, other online forums) are no longer relevant. This research is an initial look at the things women and men find attractive and value in a partnership in 2025.
Our research indicates that people are 10x more likely to be attracted to kindness in a potential partner than to the signaling of financial resources. Among young adults, ages 18 to 29 years old, eight women are attracted to kindness for every one woman who is attracted to financial resources. As for the relationship dynamics people are looking for in a romantic partnership, emotional safety is indicated as important more than 4.5x more often than financial security. The gap widens in favor of emotional safety among young adults. Women have gained financial independence, and people, women and men, are no longer looking to romantic relationships to provide financial security.
Research Details
We surveyed 127 adults between August 22nd and November 12th, 2025. The most consistent promotion for the survey was done through the Untoxicated Podcast with a primary audience of adults who have been impacted by alcoholism (as the drinkers or as the partners of the drinkers). Many in the podcast audience are trying to repair their long-term partnerships, while many others have moved on from their relationship impacted by alcoholism. The podcast reaches a global audience, with the majority of listeners in the United States. We also promoted the survey through social media (facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube). Lastly, we solicited participants through email and text communications, asking young adults familiar with the researchers to please distribute the survey link to students in colleges across the U.S. No compensation was offered for participation, and the survey took about five minutes to complete. All participants verified that they met the condition of being at least 18 years of age to participate.
Gender: 72.4% women, 27.6% men. None of the participants were transgender.
Age: 21.3% 18-29 years old
9.4% 30-29 years old
30.7% 30-39 years old
25.2% 50-59 years old
13.4% over 60 years old
Sexual orientation: 89.8% of participants identified as heterosexual, and 6.3% of participants identified as bisexual. The remaining 3.9% of participants identified as asexual, homosexual, pansexual, or queer.
Relationship status: 22.0% single or dating
6.3% new relationship (</= 6 months)
15.0% medium-term partnership (>6 months – 5 years)
56.7% long-term partnership (over 5 years)
Childbirth: 44.9% of participants had given birth to a child, and 55.1% had not. Of the women participants, 62% had given birth.
Attractiveness: Participants were asked: “From these options, what are the THREE most important characteristics you look for in a partner?” Participants were given a list of eight characteristics. The survey required that participants chose exactly three characteristics, and there was no option to type in an additional attribute. The eight attraction characteristics were: “Physical attractiveness, Sense of humor, Financial resources, Kindness, Similar values/desires, High sex drive, Assertiveness, and Good listener.” Note: Because 100% of the participants chose 3 categories, the sum of the percentages reported for each category is 300%.
Attractiveness Results:
Analytic sample N=127
78.7% Similar values/desires
73.2% Kindness
62.2% Sense of humor
40.2% Physical attractiveness
30.7% Good listener
7.1% Financial resources
3.9% Assertiveness
3.9% High sex drive
_____
Women n=92
81.5% Similar values/desires
79.3% Kindness
58.7% Sense of humor
34.8% Good listener
31.5% Physical attractiveness
8.7% Financial resources
3.2% Assertiveness
2.2% High sex drive
_____
Men n=35
71.4% Similar values/desires
71.4% Sense of humor
62.9% Physical attractiveness
57.1% Kindness
20.0% Good listener
8.6% High sex drive
5.7% Assertiveness
2.9% Financial resources
_____
Young adults (age 18-29) n=27
88.9% Sense of humor
66.7 Kindness
66.7% Similar values/desires
48.1% Physical attractiveness
18.5% Good listener
3.7% Assertiveness
3.7% Financial resources
3.7% High sex drive
_____
Young women (age 18-29) n=11
90.9% Sense of humor
81.8% Similar values/desires
72.7% Kindness
18.2% Good listener
18.2% Physical attractiveness
9.1% Assertiveness
9.1% Financial resources
0.0% High sex drive
_____
Young men (age 18-29) n=16
87.5% Sense of humor
68.8% Physical attractiveness
62.5% Kindness
56.3% Similar values/desires
18.8% Good listener
6.3% High sex drive
0.0% Assertiveness
0.0% Financial resources
Relationship dynamics: Participants were asked: “From these options, what are your THREE most important criteria for the environment within a romantic partnership?” Participants were given a list of eight criteria. The survey required that participants chose exactly three criteria, and there was no option to type in an additional dynamic. The eight relationship criteria were: “Excitement, Financial security, Open communication, Emotional safety, Sexual activity, Value-aligned behavior, Intellectual stimulation, Equitable distribution of workload.” Note: Because 100% of the participants chose 3 criteria, the sum of the percentages reported for each criterion is 300%.
Relationship dynamics results:
Analytic sample N=127
75.6% Emotional safety
75.6% Open communication
52.8% Value-aligned behavior
37.0% Intellectual stimulation
19.7% Excitement
16.5% Financial security
15.7% Sexual activity
7.1% Equitable distribution of workload
_____
Women n=92
82.6% Emotional safety
75.0% Open communication
59.8% Value-aligned behavior
38.0% Intellectual stimulation
18.5% Financial security
13.0% Excitement
8.7% Equitable distribution of workload
4.3% Sexual activity
_____
Men n=35
77.1% Open communication
57.1% Emotional safety
45.7% Sexual activity
37.1% Excitement
34.3% Intellectual stimulation
34.3% Value-aligned behavior
11.4% Financial security
2.9% Equitable distribution of workload
_____
Young adults (age 18-29) n=27
70.4% Open communication
63.0% Emotional safety
55.6% Excitement
48.1% Intellectual stimulation
25.9% Value-aligned behavior
11.1% Financial security
25.9% Sexual activity
0.0% Equitable distribution of workload
_____
Young women (age 18-29) n=11
72.7% Emotional safety
72.7% Open communication
54.5 Excitement
45.5% Intellectual stimulation
45.5% Value-aligned behavior
9.1% Financial security
0.0% Equitable distribution of workload
0.0% Sexual activity
_____
Young men (age 18-29) n=16
68.8% Open communication
56.3% Emotional safety
56.3% Excitement
50.0% Intellectual stimulation
43.8% Sexual activity
12.5% Financial security
12.5% Value-aligned behavior
0.00% Equitable distribution of workload
Qualitative responses: Participants were shown the following statement, and were provided with an open-ended box in which to type a response: “Please describe your ideal romantic partnership.” The qualitative data is beyond the scope of this research report.
Findings
Attractiveness: The most important characteristics participants look for in a partner.
In the full analytic sample (N=127), the most attractive characteristic was Similar values/desires with almost four of every five participants (78.8%) choosing it as one of their three attributes. Almost three of every four participants (73.2%) chose Kindness, with Sense of humor as the third most frequently chosen characteristic (62.2%). There was a steep drop-off and clear divide in importance of 22% to Physical attractiveness (40.2%). As anticipated, Financial resources was dramatically less important selected by only a single digit percentage of participants (7.1%). Kindness is one of two characteristics on the list that is a component of emotional safety (Good listener (30.7%) is the other). The chasm between Kindness and Financial resources (66.1%) is indicative of the relative importance of emotional safety over financial signalling when it comes to what people find attractive in partners. This 66.1% spread alone is justification for the need for further research post COVID and in the technology addiction culture where both women and men feel comfortable providing for themselves financially, and value connection over money.
The subset of women (n=92) selected the same top three characteristics (Similar values/desires 81.5%, Kindness 79.3%, Sense of humor 58.7%), and also had a single digit percentage selection of Financial resources (8.7%). The subset of men (n=35) unsurprisingly included Physical attractiveness (62.9) as a top attribute pushing Kindness (57.1%) to the fourth selection. Men also placed low value on the Financial resources (2.9%) of potential partners.
Among young adults (n=27), ages 18 to 29 years old, Sense of humor dominated as the most important characteristics sought in a partner selected by nearly 9 of 10 participants (88.9%) more than 22 percentage points above Kindness (66.7%) and Similar values/desires (66.7). The above were the only three attributes chosen by a majority of young adults, with Financial resources in a three-way tie for least important (3.7%) with Assertiveness and High sex drive. The subset of young men (n=16) unsurprisingly included Physical attractiveness as a majority choice (68.8%).
This research was inspired by the popular notion that young women specifically continue to look for financial resource signaling in young men, and that as young men are in educational, occupational, and relational crisis, their ability to provide financially is a proposed solution. As we look at the young women subset of the data (n=11), that assertion is completely refuted. All but one of the young women surveyed indicated that Sense of humor was important (90.9%), while only one young woman indicated an attraction to Financial resources (9.1%) of a potential partner. Women have gained financial independence, and young women know it. Critically important is that 72.7% of young women were attracted to Kindness. What young women are looking for young men to signal is emotional safety.
Relationship dynamics: The most important criteria for the environment within a romantic partnership.
In the full analytic sample (N=127), the two most highly valued criteria for a romantic relationship were Emotional safety and Open communication (an attribute of emotional safety), both chosen by 75.6% of participants, and over 22 percentage points higher that the third most popular criteria of Value-aligned behavior (52.8%). Financial security lingered toward the bottom of the list (16.5%) with Sexual activity (15.7%) and Equitable distribution of workload (7.1%).
Emotional safety was prioritized as the most important criteria selected by over four in five women surveyed (82.6%). Men chose Open communication (77.1%) as their top relationship criteria.
Young adults (ages 18 to 29 years old) chose Open communication (70.4%) and Emotional safety (63.0%) as their top-two criteria, with Financial security registering as far less important selected by only 11.1% of this subset of participants. The vast divide between the value placed on emotional safety and financial resources among young adults comes as no surprise. Perhaps more interested is the value placed specifically on one-on-one relationship communication by a generation with previously unparalleled access to technological tools for global communication.